beauty maven & more

hindsight

There are two surefire ways that I know of to lose weight quickly without even trying.  The first way is to get a bad flu, preferably one with puking or fever.  And the second, and much more preferable way, is to fall in love.  Then the pounds somehow magically melt away - probably from all the early relationship sex you are having.  But whatever.  Just the other day I was noticing that my jeans felt looser and it wasn't from the flu.  Yes folks, I am on the falling in love weight loss plan and even though there is no puking involved I fully realize that this soppy news may tend to make others sick just to hear about it all the time.  You have my apologies.  I know I've gone from blogging about kinky sex in the big wide dating pool to postings about conjugal bliss but I'm sure if you ride things out with me I'll eventually find some middle ground and not be so sickeningly in love.  But back to the topic of weight loss and body image.....

Now it is officially Summer and I have been dreading the inevitable - bathing suit season.  Ugh!  My whole life I have dreaded bathing suit season - I was always so self-conscious, but now with hindsight I would give anything to be as "fat" as I was when I was younger.  I had no idea how good I had it at the time but the 40 year old spread that I've put on in the last couple years has me yearning for days gone by.  I had no idea at the time, but when I look back at old photos I realize that I was pretty hot in my twenties.  It makes me sad to think that I spent all those years hating my body when in reality I was absolutely lovely.  So now the lesson is to love my body as-is in my forties because I can guarantee you that when I am in my sixties or seventies I will look back on old pics and wish I looked like I did in my forties and wish that I hadn't wasted all that time criticizing and judging myself harshly.  Of course that's not to say I won't always try to look my best - there's no way I'm going to give up all my lotions and potions!  I believe in trying to make the most with what you have but also trying to balance that with acceptance of yourself as a perfectly imperfect human being.

Of course one thing I do wish I had done when I was younger was to start using neck cream.  Or at least putting my face moisturizer on my neck and chest, because this often sadly neglected area will start showing your age before you know it.  My face may look ten years younger than my actual age but my chest and neck look a few years older than I really am and now I have to work double time to counteract the crepey saggy hyperpigmention.  The skin on your neck and chest is actually fairly delicate so we must treat it with respect.  Thus after several years of experimentation I have come up with a few favorite neck creams that I rotate using according to what I can afford at the time.  Here they are:

I've tried ReVive Fermatif Neck Renewal Cream only once because it is quite expensive.  But if you have the money to spend, I highly recommend the Revive skincare line - they make truly wonderfully effective products, created by an esteemed plastic surgeon Dr. Gregory Bays Brown, who was researching the healing of burn victims and came across a whole new way to stimulate skin regrowth. Anyway, their neck cream does it all:  smoothing, firming, hydrating, and even has sun protection to prevent further damage.  It is the perfect solution for those who are desperate to reverse the signs of aging.

 

My current favorite neck cream is StriVectin Neck Cream.  I love this rich cream because it works exceedingly well on that one pesky deep wrinkle I have running down the center of my chest.  It is also great for firming and contouring my sagging jaw line.  StriVectin is known for their superb anti-aging products so if your neck area is already of great concern you might want to give this baby a try.  

Clarins is a French skincare line and you know the French are fabulous with skincare.  They have a terrrific silky firming neck cream called Advanced Extra Firming Neck Cream.  This luxurious cream will definitely help erase the tell tale signs of aging if used regularly.  Again, it is not so cheap, but if you need to bring in the big guns to counteract already existing signs of aging - this is your man.  It is especially good for those of us over the age of forty.

 

Dr. Brandt Time Arrest V Zone Neck Cream is great preventative and resorative neck cream.  Made with age reversing platinum technololgy as a delivery system, it's going to really slow down the aging process and give you a little lift as well.  The neck area desperately needs hydration, and this emollient cream will certainly take care of that. Plus it has skin smoothing ingedients of glycolic acid and willow bark extract.  Nice.

Another favorite of mine is Bliss Thinny Chin Chin Neck Firming Cream.  It is not expensive at all as far as neck creams go and gives excellent firming and lifting action.  They advertise it as a bra for your chin and I can honestly say that is not false advertising.  My only reservation with this cream is that it doesn't do much for my deep chest wrinkle but still, I get alot of other benefits from it and for its low price I don't feel that I can complain - it's certainly better than nothing and definitely a good choice for the younger crowd.

                                         

SO START YOUNG, START NOW!  Start young with the moisturizer and sunblock on your neck and start now learning to love yourself as is - I assure you, YOU ARE HOT!

the best

I'm sorry but it is just so much easier to be a super slut than it is to be in a relationship.  Don't get me wrong, I want my relationship, but being in a relationship is so damn emotional and I have never been a big fan of emotions - they are too messy.  It's emotional because this time I actually care and care deeply, while in the world of casual sex it's just use and be used, which makes things easier in that the boundaries are clear and there are no expectations.  In a real relationship I have no idea what the boundaries are.  Who cares more?  Who loves more?  Who pays for what and who sleeps in the wet spot? 

Another thing I've discovered about boundaries is that I somehow have a latent streak of jealousy.  Where did this come from? I don't remember having it before.  But now whenever the ex-files come out I am consumed with jealousy.  For example, one of the things we like to do is to cook low budget dinners for each other.  So I made a tuna noodle casserole one night and he said it was good but that he missed the cheddar cheese.  What cheddar cheese!?  You don't put cheddar cheese in tuna noodle casserole!  But apparently his ex did.  Apparently my casserole isn't as good as her casserole and it makes him miss her cooking.  Maybe it even makes him miss her.  Eeek.  But as a good friend pointed out to me, I don't get to be the only person ever in his life.  He's got a history and I've got a history.  There will always be history, the trick is to move beyond it and co-create a new history together.  Because the jealousy thing is only afterall my ego getting in the way.  I want to be the best he's ever had - at everything.  It's wrong.  And impossible.  And not very zen-like.  So I'm going to try and let it go and instead focus on making a list for you of the best of something else - the best beauty products for the body.  These babies are absolutely lovely so try one out the next time you need a little pick me up.

Molton Brownhas some very luxurious shower gels and my favorite one is their Ultra Smooth Coco de Mer.  It is advertised as a light beachy coconut fragrance and call me crazy but I actually find it to be not so much coconutty as lightly floral - lilacs to be specific.  I can find nowhere that lists the fragrances in Coco de Mer so I have no proof that it is lilacy, but I guess my point would be that this is a very pretty, very uplifting fragrance that is not overly sweet or fruity.  Try it for yourself, I'm sure you will be pleased.

Bond No 9 perfumes have come out with a new fragrance that is to die for - or at the very least worth the $145 for a 50ml bottle.  The Astor Place fragrance is so glamorous and easy on the nose - not too over powering as some of the Bond fragrances can be.  It is a modern floral with notes of violet (LOVE violet!), freesia, teak, and musk.  And the bottle will always be a collectable.

The Body Shop has a wonderful massage oils inspired by various types of Asian massage.  My favorite is the Sensual - created with the Polynesian style Lomi Lomi massage in mind.  The best part about it though, in my book, is that it contains ylang ylang essential oils.  Love that ylang ylang - it is the epitome of Spa to me!  And this massage oil truly is sensuous so save it for that special night at home with your honey.  I guarantee it'll get things going!

I'm always blogging about the French marine based skincare line Phytomer, but I'm sorry, it's only because they are the best.  And I am currently hooked on their Sea Tonic Toning Bust Gel.  It's instant plumping in a bottle.  It definitely firms the girls up.  I am still working my way through the first bottle so I don't know if the long term results are as terrrific as advertised but for an instant perk up this is definitely the way to go.  Plus my boyfriend has commented that it tastes pretty good (unlike the Fat Girl Slim which he says leaves a horrible taste).  So as long as you're not expecting plastic surgery results, I think you will be very excited about this product - I know I am. 

Although their stuff is only of average quality, I find that I can't keep away from Victoria's Secret. Let's face it, their things are fun. My new find there is the Honeysuckle White Patchouli Intensive Body Cream which smells devine.  It is actually quite light - not at all perfumey - and barely patchoulish at all.  In fact it smells more like a vanilla oriental scent to me, and the consistency is quite hydrating yet absorbs readily.  It's fab and next time I want to try their Violet and Jasmine Soothing Shave Cream too.

So even though I could go on and on, that is my best of body for now and if you have any fave body treatments leave me a comment - I am always wanting to try new stuff, especially something that will make my boyfriend take notice!

NonScents

I always go way too fast with everything, especially with relationships.  That is if I am feeling it anyway.  People tend to advise you to "take it slow" but I have never been exactly sure how to do that and besides I really don't want to.  Of course I've got two divorces behind me now so maybe, just maybe, I would do well to head their advice but where's the fun in that?  So here we are, a month and a half of dating and "M" and I are already calling it a serious relationship.  In fact we are pretty much living together - crazy, I know.  And because things are in fast forward mode, some of the veils are slipping away and we are really getting to know each other - the good, the bad, and the ugly.  This dance of getting to know each other is a familiar one.  It's a time of finding every little thing he does unbearably cute but also a time when the little things start getting on your nerves because he starts being comfortable enough to start acting like himself.  Don't get me wrong here, I'm sure he's feeling the same way about me - my excessive shopping habit may not seem quite so endearing anymore.  And it's funny how some of the stuff that he does is just like every other guy I've been with, so I thought I'd jot down a list for you here of the cute and not so cute things that guys do early on in the relationship.

CUTE:  In the early stages of the relationship they flood you with cards, love notes, poems, and love songs.  This never really continues past the first year but it's quite heady stuff while it lasts.  They're awash with emotion and are trying to express themselves - you gotta love that.  And it's so cute how they'll often pick those cards that have long wordy sentiments all printed out for them....awwww.

NOT SO CUTE:  They will start treating you like one of the guys.  In other words they feel free to fart, belch, and brag about their bowel movements.  Ick.  The bathroom door is never closed and you can hear everything throughout the whole apartment.  Definitely not romantic.  I have no idea why guys are so into all that stuff but I can only conclude that it's a testosterone thing.

CUTE:  They get silly enough to start playing with your teddy bear or other stuffed animals.  Often they make the animals talk with a cockney accent, or sometimes, controversially, with a baby voice. And once when I was first living with my ex-husband he woke up early and put the stuffed animals in the front seats of the car with seat belts to look like the were going for a drive.  I went out to my car to go to work and there they were.  It was such a cute surprise.

NOT SO CUTE:  When too early on in the relationship they start coming to bead with underwear, SOCKS, and headgear (retainer) on.  And want to have sex like that!  I'm sorry but it's soooo not happening!

CUTE:  Okay, this one is cute at first but wears thin if it continues on forever.  I found it endearing at first that they time how long we make love for.  It must have something to do with their own idea of prowess as a man that they want to go as long as possible, and are trying to beat their own record.  Long and fun is great but lengthy sex when you are tired and just want to sleep is nothing to brag about I say.  Anyway,  who cares if it is 15 minutes or one hour, all that matters is that it feels satisfying.  Cute that they care though, I guess.

NOT SO CUTE:  Talk of the ex.  I really don't want to hear about her or be compared with her.  I suppose it's inevitable that this happens but it always leaves me with an uneasy feeling in my gut.  Plus it makes me wonder what trash he'll talk about me if we ever break up - it only feed my insecurities and does not reflect that well on him either.  Bad juju.

I have no idea how I'm going to transition from talk of relationships to discussion of antiperspirants so lets just get on with it and pretend I did it very cleverly.....

There are thousands of antiperspirants out there but I feel like so many of them are useless. In my line of work I can't afford to smell, so that automatically rules out just deodorants, natural or otherwise.  Which is a shame because I'd rather not be putting aluminum on my body but I don't feel that I have much choice.   So over the years I have compiled a small list of antiperspirants that work and that don't streak white chalky residue too much either.  My favorite antiperspirants that get raves reviews from everyone else as well are:

Donna Karan Cashmere Mist Antiperspirant/Deodorant solid stick is the Cadillac of antiperspirants.  It smells fantabulous and keeps you dry dry dry all day long.  Perhaps there is a smidgen of white residue but I feel that is totally worth it to get this kind of lovely smelling protection.

                               

L'Occitane Aromachologie Purifying Deodorant is a fairly natural roll-on antiperspirant that does contain aluminum but also works with essential oils of lemon, cardamon, and eucalyptus, to help control odor and wetness.  It smells invigorating, like verbena, and the only real complaint is that it takes a little long to dry after applying.  Never-the-less this very gentle but effective deodorant has quite a cult following.

                               

Estee Lauder Youth Dew Roll On Antipersirant/Deoderant is actually a great antiperspirant.  Who would have though to go to Estee Lauder for something like this?  But really folks, it works.  Its light scent and light texture do some heavy work to keep you dry and fresh all day long - it is my secret weapon.

                           

Mitchum For Women Anti-persirant & Deoderant Clear Gel is my favorite drugstore brand and I really like that you can get this gel in an unscented formula.  Mitchum has been the leader in heavy duty deodorants for many many years and so if you do not want to pay the price for designer deodorants, I say look no further.  Plus the gel formula dries clear and does not streak - yay.

                               

Anthony for Men Alcohol Free Deoderant makes an exceptional antiperspirant that is strong enough for a man but is unscented so that us woman could use it too.  Their stick formula is alcohol free which is a real benefit and it's not as expensive as a lot of other designer antiperspirants.  If you are a heavy perspirer this is a good one to try.

                            

DERMAdoctor Total NonScents Ultra Gentle Brightening Antiperspirant roll on is terrific for women with darker skin tones that tend to get hyperpigmentation/discoloration under their arms.  Not only does this antiperspirant correct color  but it keeps you dry all day long without rubbing off on your clothes.  This dermatologist brand also makes a gentle but highly effective antiperspirant for the general population as well: Total NonScents.  

                               

So that's my list and if you have found an aluminum free deodorant that actually works under duress please leave me a comment and let me know - I want to try it!  And if you wanted to share any cute or not so cute early relationship behaviors I'd love to know them as well :-)

bonanza

I'm enjoying a sexual bonanza.  Yes, "M" and I have broken his vow of celibacy and are going for not only quality sex but quantity as well.  In my opinion it's kinda rare to have both at once so I am a lucky girl indeed.  In fact my brain is so love and sex addled that I have been over an hour late to work two times this week because I got my schedule confused.  I wasn't even with him at the time, I'm just in a haze where the days and moments are whirring by.  Plus I'm experiencing what I can only describe as emotional orgasms.  This phenomenon occurs when we are having sex and it's kinda like a physical budding comingled with a surge of emotional bliss and fulfillment so strong it's like a love climax.  This is truly the man for me!  He was totally worth waiting for and has restored my long lost faith in true love.  And true lust as well.  Although he's more conservative sexually than say that guy I dated last July who wanted to watch me having sex with another man (ha!) or the guy last November who wanted us to pee as a form of foreplay (no thanks!), but I can certainly live with that - LOL.

And almost better than all that is that even though "M" is much younger than me he doesn't seem to mind all my wobbly bits.  My psychic predicted that I would have a man in my life who loved my body as is - that I wouldn't have to worry about the extra pounds - and it has turned out to be true.  Although I still have to admit to using copious amounts of cellulite cream and firming lotion, but then again, I am a product junkie not happy unless I'm slathering something on.  Anyway he says he likes me because I am not too skinny and not too fat.  Hmmm.  Could this be true?  Like most women I probably have a skewed body image.  The last guy I dated was a huge man and so by default I appeared tiny.  It was cool.  He even called me "little K".  But now to be dating a slim guy and still be considered physically attractive I feel like I've hit the jackpot.

And speaking of jackpots, I want to dedicate my beauty segment to the bonanza of beautiful makeup that is out there for Spring and Summer.  There are so many pretty things - I could easily spend a fortune but for now I'll just fill you in on a few of my favorites.

Mermaid colors are really in right now - blues, greens, purples - but gorgeous as they are, I am kinda over all that, being surrounded by it all day every day at work.  The only exception for me is Nars Tropic eyeshadow.  I just can't get enough of this stunning glimmery teal color.  I think it transcends all trends and all seasons, and looks good with almost anyone's coloring.  This is a must purchase item because just in general Nars eyeshadow color and quality is always supreme.

                               

The creamy consistency of YSL Mascara Volume Effet Faux Cils Luxurious Mascara is to die for.  This mascara is a little pricier than most but totally worth it as it curls, lengthens, and volumizes your lashes.  It does it all and does it dramatically!  Plus I love the design of the brush.  There is nothing not to adore about this mascara - it is a cult favorite.

                                   

Too Faced has a some luscious Summer lipglosses out called Lip Bronzers.  These two toned frosty glosses come it three different colors of bronze-with-a-hint-of-pink:  Pink Leopard (pretty), Sun Bunny (prettier), and Snow Bunny (not feeling this one).  They are just the right thing to put you in the mood for Summer fun and would look great with a tan.

                   

Another bronze beauty is Smashbox Untamed Creamy Cheek Color.  This creamy blush is the absolute perfect color to get your Summer glow on.  I think it would work on any skin tone (except maybe really dark) and the consistency will give you a sunkissed look all day long.  It is just so pretty!

                                                 

Urban Decay has some of the most exciting colors in the world of makeup and their new mini pallet "Get Baked" is no exception.  There is an turquoise, soft copper, goldy/pink, and deep bronze color  - very reminiscent of the tropics, the beach, and the pool. Mmmmm.  Plus it comes with a deep bronze 27/7 waterproof eyeliner and a tiny bottle if Sin eyeshadow primer.  Use one sweep of color at a time or blend them all together for a beautiful exotic look.  Think night club in St. Tropez!

                                 

And finally, MAC.  You gotta love MAC Cosmetics.  They have a nail polish color out for Spring/Summer that is, in my book, the best.  I just can't seem to get into the neon colors this year and the bright pinks and corals feel so done to me.  But MAC has this fantastic shade of pale lavender, Love & Friendship, that is just the right pastel for the season.  It is soothing and floaty, and would go with everything without competing to heavily for attention with your sandals or other accessories. 

                                             

So while I'm out enjoying the abundance in my life this Summer, you can enjoy yourself too with the aquisition of any of these seasonal beauty items.  Have fun!

infatuation

I feel like I am living in a Danielle Steele novel - where the couple falls in love within the first week or so of their relationship.  Is that fast?  Is that real?  Most people would probably say it's crazy, but then again, the phrase "crazy in love" must have come from somewhere.  And what about love at first sight?  Is that stuff even possible?  I know with me and him it was LUST at first sight, but now, well, it really feels like love.  And I can't believe it.  It's been years since I felt this way, maybe even decades.  Am I sure it's not just lust (he is so beautiful I assumed he was gay as straight guys are never that good looking) because as a sometimes super slut I tend to have difficulty telling the difference between love and lust.  But this here is definitely infatuation of some sort.  In fact Webster's dictionary describes the word infatuate as "to cause to be foolish or deprive of sound judgment"  and so infatuation is described as " to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration".  Yup, that's me all right, foolish and extravagant to the extreme.

But, I'm just going to go with it - they always say "follow your bliss", right?  The only problem with that though is that I am a total addictive personality so following my bliss may not always be the healthiest thing to do - I often go way overboard.  And he's the same way.  Whew!  It's like that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie is dating that guy who is a recovering alcoholic in his first early days of sobriety and he gets totally addicted to her and thinks it's love when really it's really just his addiction talking.  So I worry, is it me he loves or is it the sensation of infatuation that he's hooked on?  What if, what if, what if, what if?  Being in love is so damn scary.  And risky. And boring for others to hear about....sorry....I'm worried that my blog will suffer now that I may not have any more racy stories to report. No more guys wanting to have group sex or dress up in my underwear.  And while I may miss the novelty of all that stuff, I have to say I am truly happy to finally have what I wanted all along - my soulmate.  Awwwww.

And another thing I am infatuated with, beauty-wise, is oil.  Yes, oil.  Don't say "yuck" until you hear me out.  There are all different kinds of oils that do all different kinds of things and have all different kinds of benefits for your skin - even for oily skin if you can believe it.  People are so obsessed with oil-free products, which granted are fine in their own right, but I say don't be afraid to judiciously use a little oil here and there.  So let me tell you about a few of my favorite oils and their uses, maybe you'll be inspired to try one.

NUDE skincare has the best makeup remover/cleanser ever!  Their Cleansing Facial Oil effortlessly gets rid of every last trace up dirt, makeup, and yes, even oil.  It is good for any skin type, even oily, because oil binds to oil and then when removed, is all removed together.  Make sense?  Plus NUDE skin care is completely biocompatible and all natural right down to their packaging and fair trade practices.  This cleansing oil has gotten (and I'm sure will continue to get) many beauty awards.  And now it is even easier to get because it has become available at Whole Foods markets.

                         

Bobby Brown has a wonderful Shimmering Body Oil.  I'd smooth this dry oil on after the shower to give your skin a beautiful luminous glow.  It is a fact that glowy skin makes you look slimmer and sleeker and definitely more alluring.  I'd use any body oil as an anti-aging hydrating measure but with this Bobby Brown oil you get the added benefit of platinum pearls and a light fresh floral fragrance.  Perfect for baring your Summer bod!

                                   

You've probably come across an article or two about Argan oil, but just to give you a brief summary, this oil is a miracle oil.  It is filled with essential fatty acids and is healing for all skin types, even acne.  And the natural skincare line Josie Maran has my favorite organic argan oil on the market - they buy their argan from a women's cooperative in Morocco.  I slather this light weight oil on my face at night and I have to say it absorbs easily with no greasy residue.  My skin definitely looks younger, firmer, and more hydrated.  I love it!

                       

Not to sound too much like a hippy but using essential oils as a fragrance can really be a great way to go.  They last much longer that those alcohol infused perfumes, and can have added health benefits as well.  Kiehl's makes "essence oils" rollerball fragrances in vanilla, musk, grapefruit, or coriander (don't worry, no patchouli).  They are a nice alternative to try and will store easily in your purse or gym bag.

                               

Decleor is a phenomenal skincare line from France that uses essential oils in all their products.  Essential oils do not clog the pores at all but rather penetrate the skin barrier to enter the blood stream and have a healing effect.  Essential oils have been used in skin care since the dawn of time and Decleor has some aromessence oils that can be used as a serum to further enhance the effectiveness of the other products you are using with it.  For example you could use the Ylang Ylang Aromessence to actually help regulate the oil production of your skin and rebalance it preventing further breakouts it.  There is also rose aromessence for soothing redness and iris aromessence for anti-aging - you get the gist.  Decleor has been around for many years and is a highly reputable brand.  It's a great natural way to go - I say give it a try!

                           

hot

 So he's taken a vow of celibacy for spiritual purposes.  And it is totally hot.  There's nothing like forbidden love (sex) to get the juices flowing.  It's all very Thornbirds - where Maggie and the priest are in love.

The "he" in question is my crush from the posting free spirit.  The free-spirited massage therapist who has no money, no car, and no dress shoes.  And I'm head over heels even though I'm old enough to know better.  But I can't seem to help it.  We are friends and yet so much more than just friends.  Every little touch is heated, sensual, filled with meaning.  We stare into each others eyes with frisson so intense it is certain that everyone in the room can feel our connection.  It's just like in the movie Twilight - I imagine that we should be being portrayed in intense cinematic close up shots to better convey the feelings going on.  Or he'll come over to my house at night and we'll stay up into the wee hours of the morning just talking.  He won't even kiss me even though I can feel him wanting to - but we connnect.....

And as much as I love all this intensity, I am also glad his vow of celibacy is just a temporary thing.  Because when the time comes I definitely want to get down and dirty.  But until then it is very interesting how we are given this time to really get to know each other.  To intertwine on a deeper level.  Perhaps it will give us a better shot at our future.  God knows I've had enough failed relationships behind me to want to try something new.  And especially because I am so over all the booty calls and casual sex.  I am destitute from all the men who have failed to show up emotionally.  My celibate man may never be able to whisk me off to a trip to Hawaii but he fills me up from the inside - from the heart.

So we'll see how it goes.  There's no better time to fall in love than Spring.  Spring is also the time to start prepping your skin to be bared in cute revealing outfits that will require sunscreen, self-tanner, and all the other bits to make you protected and presentable.  Let's take a look at some must have items to prepare you for the sunny weather.

Clarins UV Plus spf 40 is the best sunscreen for people who hate to wear sunscreen.  It is an all natural 100% mineral (titanium dioxide) block and the consistency is super thin and absorbs instantly with a dry finish.  The only bummer is that it comes in a tiny bottle for $40.  For some people that's worth it - it is certainly a best seller.

                                    

Cotz Solar Protection Formula spf 58 is a sensational sunblock for sensitive skin or in fact any skin.  It is also a natural block with titanium dioxide and zinc oxide (very good!). The formula is not white or pasty but is water resistant. I've been using this one for years - it is my favorite.

                                 

DDF Matte Finish Photo Age Protection sunscreen is perfect for oily/acneic skin as it is oil and fragrance free.  This is a chemical sunscreen (as opposed to a physical block) so it is not thick or cakey and it dries well, with no shiny residue.

                                    

Now that your feet will be exposed in cute Summer sandals you've got to keep them smooth and free from crusty callouses - yuck.  There are some really luxurious foot creams out there but I also love the Miracle Foot Repair Cream at Bed Bath and Beyond.  For $9.99 it certainly does the trick, and at that price you can feel free to really slather it on.  Plus not only does it hydrate but it can also reduce odor and itch as well!

                     

Lindsay Lohan may be a hot mess in her personal life but she has co-created, with tanning expert Lorit Simon, a fantastic self-tanner called Sevin Nyne tanning mist - exclusive so far to Sephora.  This fine mist is easy to apply and goes on evenly without streaking.  It is not stinky like most self tanners (instead a lovely coconut fragrance!) and there is some initial bronzing color built in with a gradual self tanner that developes over a few hours.  There is definitely a lot of color in this application. Apply to body only - not face.

                                      

For those of you who want a beautiful, easy to use, luminous bronzer try Laura Mercier Body Bronzing Makeup.  The glow this subtle bronzing make up gives is flattering for everyone, and for those who are scared to try a self-tanner this may be the perfect way to go as it will wash right off.  Very very pretty!

                                               

                                                 

So now you can break out those Summer skirts and sandals, and meanwhile I'll keep you posted on the latest with my romantic free spirited guy.

love it/hate it

I always like to say that I am a gay man trapped in a woman's body but after my experience this weekend I realize that I that I really have no idea at all what it is like to have testosterone.  A bunch of friends and I carpooled up to the city for a party last weekend and we took several cars.  I ended up in a car with me and four (straight) guys. This initially may sound kinda hot but I was miserable.  First of all, they were blasting their violent hardcore misogynist rap music all about "ho's".  Then they started talking about our other female friend's big boobs, and about girls who show their thongs above the waistband of their jeans, and then of course we had to talk about their balls.  The gay man in me was not pleased and come to think of it the woman in me was pretty offended too.  There was way too much testosterone going on in that car.  If guys want to indulge in chest-pounding macho behavior on their own time that is fine - just don't involve me in it is all I say.

I actually prefer a guy who is in touch with his feminine side - or at least not afraid of it.  And so there are a few things I really love and really hate about men.  Here is my list.....

LOVE IT:  when a guy holds/carries your purse for you.  It's so sweet and so chivalrous.  My ex used to do this for me and for his mother whenever our hands were otherwise occupied.  Of course it looks a little geeky but I love that he was brave enough to bare criticism and do the right thing.

HATE IT: when guys stink up your bathroom.  I don't mind too much if the toilet seat is left up but I hate it when the bathroom starts smelling like all the pee in the men's toilets at the baseball stadium.  Please pee IN the bowl!

LOVE IT: when they are actually still little boys- not all grown up.  Ahhhh, the sweet tender shape of the back of their heads.  And they have not yet learned to be afraid to love.

HATE IT:  that they are so LOUD with big testosteroney voices.  Even their "inside voices" are loud but I was sitting on an airplane in front of a row of drunk guys and they were so loud and rowdy and obnoxious I could even hear them through my ipod headphones.  Ugh.

LOVE IT:  when they show a genuine interest and affection for your dog/cat/child.  Nothing is sweeter or hotter than a guy who loves animals or children.  Or at least a smart man would recognize that your dog/cat/child is a very important extension of yourself.

HATE IT:  when you are trying to give a skilled, finessed blow job and the guy keeps pushing down hard on your head.  Gag!!!  This is so dominating and inconsiderate (maybe even barbaric) that luckily I don't encounter it very often.  Perhaps some guys don't even do it on purpose because they are lost in the moment but I think it's just plain rude.  And in high school the guys used to call it "basketball action" which suggests that in fact they were very aware they were doing it.

LOVE IT:  when guys are kind and try to be understanding and supportive when you have your period.  Even though they have no clue what it is like, some men will fearlessly cater to your discomfort.  Now that is love.

But love it or hate it, either way there is nothing I can do about it so I must accept it. So enough of that -  now let's move on the beauty portion of the program (I couldn't think of a clever segue this time).  I want to talk about eyecreams.  Eyecreams are soooooooo important and if you feel like you don't need them because you don't have any lines or wrinkles, I've got one word for you - PREVENTION.  Seriously, if you are not careful, one day you'll wake up and they'll just be there.  So there are beginner eye creams out there that are less expensive and there are high powered eye creams for those of us than need more advanced care, and there is plenty of stuff in between.  I've broken down my favorite eye creams (and believe me, I've tried them all!) into categories according to what issues they address - puffiness, wrinkles, hydration etc.  If you don't have an eyecream at home I recommend you go out and buy one of these treatments immediately.

BEGINNERS:  A terrific beginners eye cream is Caudalie Contour Eyes and Lip** because it is made with grapeseed extract which is an amazing antioxidant and will protect your skin from external aggressors that cause aging.  It is a medium weight hydrating gel/cream and will give the eyes a bright refreshed appearance.  Caudalie is a fairly natural spa brand from France, is very gentle on the skin, and has an excellent reputation - I'd use anything by them -they are paraben free.

                               

PUFFINESS & DARK CIRCLES:  I have yet to find an eye cream that does much for dark circles (and I have tried many many an eyecream) but Fresh Lotus Eye Gel has ingredients that stimulate microcirculation so that ain't too bad - it kinda softens the look.  What I really love about this gentle light weight gel though is that the min ingredient is sea water.  If you can go with marine based skin care - I say do it.  It is so healing.  Either way, this eye cream is a hot ticket and always a best seller.

                           

ORGANIC:  I love Jurlique Biodynamic Beauty Eye Cream - it is one of my all time favorite eye creams!  It is super hydrating (some people may actually find it a little too rich - but not me) and made with lovely botanical ingredients, plus it helps with wrinkles and dark circles and puffiness. This is definitely a great weapon to have in your anti-aging arsenal.

                                       

CHEAP:  If I was going to go with a drugstore brand of eye cream I would use ROC Retinol Corrrection Eye Cream.  I like the consistency of this one and of course the vitamin A is very anti-aging.  ROC is originally a French brand (which speaks volumes, I think) and their whole line of skincare is focused on anti-aging.  They are always being written up and of course you can't beat the price.

                                   

SUPER ANTI-AGER:  I have a two-way tie for the best wrinkle fighting eye creams around.  Murad Renewing Eye Cream and Elizabeth Arden Prevage Eye Anti-Aging Moisturizing Treatment both address a multitude of aging problems:  deep wrinkles, dryness, puffiness, and dark circles, sagging - they do it all.  I really and truly saw a reduction in my crow's feet with these guys.  Of course Prevage has the super anti-oxident Idebenone and Murad is a doctor brand so whichever one you choose, you can't go wrong. 

Unlike with men, there's no "love it/hate it" with these eyecreams I've discussed - I love them all!

**any eye cream can be used on the upper lip to help prevent those horrible vertical lines and lipstick bleeding

ebb and flow

I haven't had much going on with the dating thing - my only romance is a crush I have on a guy friend (a "frush") but I've been zen-like in my observations of the relationships of the people around me.  Life is fascinating and there is definitely an ebb and flow - things are constantly changing - which is good because my dating life is in a rut and very much needs to change!  But until things shift for me I am there on the sidelines supporting my friends. It goes something like this....

 My dear friend "G" recently left her loser boyfriend of four years and is finding her way back onto the dating scene while simultaneously being completely sick of men and wanting nothing even remotely considering a boyfriend. It's like that horrible old cliche "you can't live with 'em and you can't live without em".  Damn, I can relate.

Another beautiful friend "H" has just recently fallen in love and is advancing her career at the same time.  This all coincides to her moving in together with her new love.  It's the first time she's ever lived with a guy and she's a little scared but I told her go for it - life is short!  (I also told her guys are a pain in the ass to live with though ultimately worth it).  Anyway, she's a little older and should be ready for conjugal bliss.  I of course was living with my first boyfriend at 18, supporting him in his "rock star" lifestyle - what a nightmare! 

I have three different married friends who are in a very rocky patch in their marriage, basically staying together for now for the kids sake - which has got to be painful - but obviously not uncommon.

And "T" is redoing her boob job because the first set of boobs has failed to get her the attention she was hoping for.  I foresee a pair of double Ds in her future.

So while all my friends are busy falling in and out of love I am waiting for The Universe to make something happen for me.  But how this "fate" thing is supposed to work, I don't know.  I tried to help things along the other day by walking fetchingly back and forth in front of the cute guy at the bookstore hoping he would notice me but nada.  Nothing happened.  God, I am so impatient and lonely and horny!  But my friend "S" told me the other day of an analogy that brings me some comfort anyway.  She said imagine that The Universe is like a giant copy machine.  You can be standing there trying to make copies and the green light is on saying "in progress".  There is alot of whirling and humming but nothing is coming out.  You  wait and you wait and you think it might be broken, but then right before you are about to give up the papers start shooting out and there you have your copies!  It really was "in progress" the whole time even though it felt like nothing was happening.  All it takes is a little faith but I think that is obviously much easier said than done.  Until then..... my friend "F", a fabulous woman in her late fifties, is having amazing luck with this other dating website that I haven't tried yet, so maybe I'll give that a chance.

Another thing I have observed is that there is definitely an ebb not a flow to the financial side of people's dates lately.  My last two dates were "dutch" and I have even been out with a couple guys who took me to the restaurant's early-bird special.  I guess we all need to be careful these days which is why I decided to do another posting on drug store finds.  Drug store brands may not have the same quality or quantity of active ingredients that the professional brands have but I say a little bit of something is better than nothing.  We all just do what we can.  So here are some goodies you may want to try next time you are in your local CVS.

Chapstick Overnight Lip Treatment is kind of similar to the professional (and more expensive) Murad Sothing Skin and Lip Care.  It is very emollient with eight different moisturizers and a little lactic and salicylic acid to exfoliate and keep your lips smooth.  Plus I love the purple packaging.   

                           

L'Oreal HIP (high intensity pigment) has some beautiful products.  My favorite are the eye shadows which come in well matched duos:  pinks, olives, black & silver, several different neutrals and more.  The color really is high intensity and lasts pretty well.  I use these reasonably priced shadows when I give my makeup lessons.

                           

Suave - the leader in inexpensive personal care products - has a body wash with sea algae in it, and you know how much I love marine based products.  Suave Naturals Ocean Breeze Refreshing Body Wash With Sea Algae has a light refreshing scent and actually quite a decent amount of sea algae (for firming, toning, and nourishing) in it.  I've actually tried a few things by Suave and liked them.

                           

I have seen Vitamin Shampoo and Conditioner advertised everywhere.  It looks so cool and smells yummy and supposedly has no parabens or sulphates, so I am dying to try it as soon as I finish up a couple more of the hundreds of shampoos that line my shower stall.  Interestingly enough it really does have some decent ingredients like antioxidents, and it comes in seven different formulas such as acai berry/guave, blueberry/avacado, and pomegrante blackberry.

                       

I have a friend who wanted to try a new, inexpensive skincare regimen to help her dull, tired, slightly aging, skin so I recommended Garnier Nutritioniste Skin Renew line because it contains vitamin C antioxidants for a glowing complexion.  First there is the exfoliating cleanser, then I would use the daily regenerating moisture cream for day, and the overnight regenerating cream for more intensive repair at night.  The line also has eye creams and treatment serums but being extremely low maintenance my friend didn't want to bother with any of that however at least I know I put my friend in good hands with Garnier Nutritioniste.

                                   

Gena Laboratories makes an intensive nail treatment/conditioner called Healthy Hoof.  This stuff is also seriously used on horses so we know it is super strength.  It is truly one of those gold star finds, look for it in the nail section of your local pharmacy.

                                       

scratch n' sniff

When did kissing fall by the wayside?  Is it only something people do when they are younger?  Or is it just me and who I am choosing to hook up with?  I was thinking that maybe if you engage in casual dating/casual sex then you shouldn't even expect any real kissing, but then I actually dated a guy for two whole months and he barely ever kissed me.  We would kiss for a moment or two and then he would zoom in on my boobs, or swiftly reach into my jeans as he steered me towards the bedroom.  No lingering on the living room sofa for hot and heavy make out sessions.  No cuddling. No prelude.  And I would wonder what's the rush?  There's plenty of time to get to the other stuff - I want some lip action!  So you know, in the end it was just not acceptable.  Kissing is sexy and romantic and hot and lustful and a total turn on.  It's fun.  It's full of anticipation.  It's desire personified.  But why aren't we getting it?  Even my second husband who was a fantastic breathless kisser, stopped the prolonged kissing after a year or so. I guess often that's what happens in any relationship so it's not just us single ladies who are missing the kiss. 

What we need are kissing buddies, like how in Sex and the City they talk about "fuck buddies" - a friendly guy who you use to scratch that occasional itch with, no strings attached.  A friend with benefits.  So I think there should be a friend you could call up whenever you are feeling lonely and say "wanna come over and make out for a while?"  That's it just make out.  And you could train him too, to do all those romantic kissing maneuvers that you see in the movies that guys never do in real life.  Like when he puts his hand up to your face and gently cups it.  Or even grasp it passionately with both hands and then reaches back to pull on your hair. Maybe I should adjust my online dating profile to say "seeking kissing only", because even though the guys always profess to be romantic and love kissing they never do.  I always get so excited for a big long makeout session but inevitably end up wondering how he thought he was going to fit it in between that infinitesimal moment between dinner and when he whips out the condom.

In her extraordinary spiritual travelogue book Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert observes that every one in Rome is making out.  Really.  No shyness about Public Displays of Affection there, people are making out all over the place.  Now I really want to go there! It totally takes me back to that magical time in junior high when PDA was acceptable. When a guy would ask you to slow dance (to Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven) and then with breathless anticipation he would lower his head to touch his lips to yours.  And you'd be kissing away there on the dance floor for as long as you could until the song was over.  Sweet.

The lack of kissing in my life is too depressing to linger over so let's move on and talk about something I do have alot of - yummy yummy beautiful smelling things.  Like the heady scent of flowering Spring trees, or the inspiring smell of the local healthfood store that makes you feel like you are doing something healthy for yourself just by taking a sniff as you walk in the door.  Or what about baking with cinnamon - I think cinnamon is an antidepressant.  And then of course there are my favorite beauty products that smell so phenomenal I wish I could set up a scratch n' sniff on my computer so you could smell them right now.  I'm not kidding you, these babies have some powerful olfactory sensation and if you don't believe me check em out for yourself.

Voluspa makes some ingenious fragrances in the form of candles, hand lotions, diffuser reeds, and sprays to name a few.  Their fragrance combinations are romantic and imaginative and utterly divine.  They have different collections and I am currently taken with the Japonica line - the Santiago Huckleberry scent specifically.  I could smell this stuff all day long I love it so much.  It is kinda fruity, really creamy, and definitely exotic.  If you want to smell the Valuspa products before you commit to a purchase go to your nearest Anthropolgie store where you can find a modest selection of the very extensive line.

                       

The exceptional French marine based skincare line Phytomer has the absolutely best smelling serums that I have  ever come across.  Of course the serums also happen to be highly functional and effective but I like to slather on my Oligoforce Enforcement Soothing Serum every morning just as a pick me up.  It is the most refreshing light floral scent that not only reduces the redness in my skin but puts me in a delightful mood as well.

                        

John Varvatos has a new men's fragrance out called Artisan.  I swear I would marry any man who I came across who was wearing this.  It is citrusy, herbal, with a hint of spicy wood but I think perhaps it is the orange blossom in it that I am really attracted to.  Actually "attracted to" is almost an understatement - just as I am inexplicably, karmically, devotedly entranced with that foxy Scottish actor James McAvoy, so I am drawn to Artisan.  I may even buy some to splash around my house (if you build it he will come....).

                                       

Another French line, Caudalie, has one of my favorite smelling products.  Their fantabulous  gentle Vine Peach Body Wash is a peach smell that smells even better than a live fresh peach!  It is neither cloying nor overly sweet.  Just refreshing and very happy making - the perfect way to start your day.  Plus Caudalie is a mostly natural brand so there are no parabens - yay.

                                   

Smelling Cellex C Sea Silk Oil Free Moisturizer is like a trip to the spa.  LOVE THIS STUFF!  Not only is it a great botanical creamy moisturizer that won't clog your pores (alot of men really like this) but the smell totally transports me back in time to when I was an esthetician at a luxurious skincare salon.  This stuff smells revitalizing and professional - like it is really truly working wonders on your skin.

                                   

Of course everyone probably already knows about Aveda's Shampure Shampoo.  I know there may be more effective products out there than Aveda, but I just can't resist how their stuff smells.  So earthy!  So healthy!  So sensual!  It's all very aromatherapy.  But maybe their best smelling product, of all their wonderful smelling products, is the soothing flower and plant based Shampure shampoo, suitable for your average normal to dry hair.  Keep this in the family shower for everyone to use and you will have a happy household indeed.

                  

Of course two of my favorite scents that have never been perfectly captured are 1. the ocean and 2. healthy sex, but if you ever find something that comes close let me know.  And if you have figured out this whole kissing thing too you have to let me know!

thank yous

My pet peeve is when there is no polite or courteous follow up to casual (or even not so casual) sex.  I believe a quick email or text to say thanks for the good time is warranted.  You know,  some sort of acknowledgment that he spent the last few hours licking you where usually no one else is allowed to lick. If you were to receive a nice gift you would reply with a thank you note, if you were invited to an intimate dinner party you'd bring a bottle of wine or flowers, and if you had an important job interview you would be certain to follow up with a thank you call.  It only makes sense. 

I have a friend who has a rule.  If she spends the night with a guy he is required to give her a call the next day, other wise she totally writes him off.  And I don't blame her.  There is something infinitely more intimate about sleeping together.  All your defenses are down, you are totally vulnerable, and your dreams are practically comingling.  Another friend just applauded me for not having actual sex (just fooling around) with a first date but I'm not so sure about that because I had let him spend the night as he lived so far away, and to me that is much more intimate.  His leg was flung over my leg all night long - that's like what a husband or boyfriend would do.  And then the next day he got dressed, gave me a peck on the lips and was out the door (it's so funny how they always seem so rushed once they have their clothes on).  But then I never heard from him after that.  What are guys so afraid of?  That we're going to try to trap them into a relationship, taking them hostage and making demands?  Why can't we all just be friends?  Sheesh!  A thank you text doesn't mean I want to marry him!  Or even necessarily want to see him again.  That's why casual sex is so weird.  There's no protocol.  It seems to suit men just fine the way it is, but I think women are innately more polite.  And no one, I repeat no one, likes to feel like they were used.

But in honor of all the men out there who are polite and considerate and not afraid, I'm going to do my beauty segment on men's products.  Maybe you'll see something to get for your honey.

Anthony for Men is a fantastic and quite extensive line of men's personal care products that I could go on and on about all day.  As a matter of fact I could easily do a whole segment just on them.  They've got everything from post-shave soothing lotion, to deodorant, to hand cream, to vitamin C serum.  But just for today I'll tell you about my current favorite, Vitamin A Treatment.  Many men are as concerned with aging as us women are and there's nothing like a good retinol cream to reduce fine lines and wrinkles and even out skin tone.  It's easy to use - he could use it as his night time moisturizer and pair it with their anti-aging Facial Moisturizer spf 15 to use during the day because if you are using the very exfoliating retinol creams you need to protect your skin during the day - even from computer screens!  The great thing about Anthony is that you are getting very effective skincare for less than half the price of what us women are paying for our products.  Men like this.  They also like the clean, no fuss packaging, and easy to use instructions.  Check them out!

                       

                          

Clinique Non-Streak Bronzer for men is so good that even women tend to prefer it over their own women's Clinique bronzers.  It is a water resistant colored gel that goes on evenly without leaving streaks, and the color is very natural looking. Tanning seems to be a thing that some men feel they really must do (believe me, I have dated a few tanning bed fanatics) but if you want your honey to be safe from the sun, get him some of this fake bake and he'll look just as good - no one will know the difference.

                       

Jack Black Intense Therapy Lip Balm SPF 25 is fast becoming a cult favorite.  Even though Jack Black is a men's skincare line women love this lip balm too.  It comes in a compact, masculine, easy to use tube, is long wearing, and able to brave all the elements.  It is super hydrating and remarkably effective!

                               

Yves Saint Laurent L'Homme fragrance is modern, masculine, fresh and sexy, perfect for the office or even as a starter cologne to get your man into wearing fragrance.  It has notes of ginger, vetiver, and cedarwood to name a few.  I almost want to wear it myself it smells so good.

                                       

Men love scrubs.  And Kiehl's Facial Fuel Energizing Scrub for men is a great one to try.  It has very masculine packaging with sensational ingredients inside.  It is formulated for all skin types and is hydrating as well as exfoliating.  If your man has trouble with ingrown hairs or beard hair that is tough and resistant to shave this is a must have product for his repertoire.

                                   

Another thing men love is invigorating shower soaps and gels.  Origins, a mostly natural brand, makes the fantabulous Skin Diver Active Charcoal Body Wash.  This brisk wash has stimulating clove, wintergreen, spearmint and rosemary.  And the charcoal helps clean out all those large man-sized pores and reduce skin conditions like bacne.  It's the perfect way to wake up in the morning.

                                           

As a matter of fact, everything I've listed here is so yummy I would use it myself.  See, I'm pansexual, I'm bold, I'm modern, all I ask for is a little text saying "thanks - you were hot!".